Agreement to avoid a #Metoo allegation in future

AGREEMENT BEFORE SEX!

*Due to the current and often false allegations made by women, which include Rape, Harassment, Blackmail etc. there is now an agreement to be signed before "action".*

AGREEMENT BEFORE SEX

I, ___________________, the undersigned female partner (herein referred to as the 'Screwee'), am about to enjoy sexual intercourse with _________________ (hereafter referred to as the 'Screwer'), certify the following:

1. THAT I am above the lawful age of consent.

2. THAT I am not under the influence of liquor or any narcotic.

3. THAT the afore mentioned Screwer did not use any force, threats, coercion or promises to influence me.

4. THAT I, the Screwee, am in no fear of him whatsoever.

5. THAT I do not expect or wish to marry him.

6. THAT I do not know if he is married or not and neither do I care.

7. THAT I am neither asleep nor drunk.

8. THAT I am entering this relationship with him; because I love it and want it as much as he does.

9. THAT in the event that I receive full satisfaction, which I expect, I declare in advance the capacity and willingness for further participation at regular intervals.

10. THAT I will not act as a witness against him nor will I file charges against him in the event that,

  (a) I contract an STD

  (b) I become pregnant

  (c) I feel that he is violating any legislation - moral, legal or otherwise.

SIGNED BEFORE JUMPING INTO BED ON THIS ___ DAY OF _____ (MONTH) ________ (YEAR) AT ______ (AM/PM)

_______________________

(Signature of Screwee) 

-------------------------------------

(Signature of Screwer)

#Metoo effect 😃

#Metoo

#Metooproof

#Metooproofagreement

Sunder Pichai and the Cockroach Theory for Self Development - a must read

Sunder Pichai-Cockroach Theory -Don't miss to read

A beautiful speech by Sundar Pichai - an IIT-MIT Alumnus and Global Head Google Chrome:

The cockroach theory for self development

At a restaurant, a cockroach suddenly flew from somewhere and sat on a lady.

She started screaming out of fear.

With a panic stricken face and trembling voice, she started jumping, with both her hands desperately trying to get rid of the cockroach.

Her reaction was contagious, as everyone in her group also got panicky.

The lady finally managed to push the cockroach away but ...it landed on another lady in the group.

Now, it was the turn of the other lady in the group to continue the drama.

The waiter rushed forward to their rescue.

In the relay of throwing, the cockroach next fell upon the waiter.

The waiter stood firm, composed himself and observed the behavior of the cockroach on his shirt.

When he was confident enough, he grabbed it with his fingers and threw it out of the restaurant.

Sipping my coffee and watching the amusement, the antenna of my mind picked up a few thoughts and started wondering, was the cockroach responsible for their histrionic behavior?

If so, then why was the waiter not disturbed?

He handled it near to perfection, without any chaos.

It is not the cockroach, but the inability of those people to handle the disturbance caused by the cockroach, that disturbed the ladies.

I realised that, it is not the shouting of my father or my boss or my wife that disturbs me, but it's my inability to handle the disturbances caused by their shouting that disturbs me.

It's not the traffic jams on the road that disturbs me, but my inability to handle the disturbance caused by the traffic jam that disturbs me.

More than the problem, it's my reaction to the problem that creates chaos in my life.

Lessons learnt from the story:

I understood, I should not *react* in life.

I should always *respond.*

The women *reacted,* whereas the waiter *responded.*

*Reactions*  are always instinctive whereas *Responses*  are always well thought of.

A beautiful way to understand............LIFE.

Person who is HAPPY is not because Everything is RIGHT in his Life..

He is HAPPY because his Attitude towards Everything in his Life is Right.

World's dangerous joke that can fracture your bones - Joke?!

World's dangerous joke that can fracture your bones.

Teacher: "From where did the word 'wife' come from?"

Student: "Ma'am, it is derived by taking the first 2 & last 2 alphabets from the word 'WILDLIFE'."

"And, the remaining words 'LDLI' are for the husband:

Last Day of Living Independently.".

👏👍😁👆

Funny - Prostitute, high-end call girl and poultry farming

A young woman walks into a Chartered accountant's office and tells him that she needs to file her tax Returns.

*The accountant says, "Before we begin, I'll need to ask you a few questions."*

*He gets her name, address etc. And then asks, "What's your occupation?"*

*"I'm a prostitute," she says.*

*The accountant is taken aback and says, "That's too gross. Let's try to re-phrase that."*

*The woman says, "OK, I'm a high-end call girl".*

*"No, that still won't work. Need something more acceptable."*

*They both think for a minute; then the woman says, "I'm an elite poultry farmer."*

*The accountant asks, "What does poultry farming have to do, with being a prostitute?"*

*"Well, I raised a thousand cocks last year."*

*Chartered Acct : "Brilliant !! *"Poultry Farmer"** *it is !!! and agricultural income is tax free"*

🤣🤣😂😂😜😜😎😎

🐥🐔🐣🐤🦆😱🤣😛😃😎