Sunday, February 25, 2018

The Art of Leaving ashram in London - Lalit Modi, Vijay Mallya and Nirav Modi

Heard that Lalit Modi, Vijay Mallya and Nirav Modi are starting an ashram in the south of London.🤔

It is going to be called"The Art of Leaving". 😎😉😃

#funny
#satire
#sarcastic

Wednesday, February 21, 2018

How to be Vijay Malya or Nirav Modi - Crash course to become Vijay Malya or Nirav Modi - Modus operandi

Crash course to become Vijay Malya or Nirav Modi ...

Take X amount loan from bank A.
Take 2X amount loan from bank B.

Repay X loan of bank A.
Since your credit rating is good bank A now willingly gives you 4X amout loan.

Repay 2X amount loan of bank B.
Now bank B will willingly provide you 8X loan.

Use this to repay bank A loan , continue this (  with help of personal contacts in bank and few politicians) till loan reaches more than 1000X , then book a flight out of india ... Simple ...

Sunday, February 11, 2018

Guess which woman I'm going to marry

A young man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and is going to get married. He says, "Just for fun, Ma, I'm going to bring over three women and you try and guess which one I'm going to marry." The mother agrees and the next day he brings three beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while. He then says, "Ok, Ma. Guess which one I'm going to marry." She immediately replies, "the one in the middle." He was surprised that his mother was so easily able to guess the correct woman, "How do you know?!" The mother replies, "I don't like her!" 😂😂😂😂

Silent Letters - we ignore some letters eg letter 'H' in Hour, Honest, Honor.. E.t.c, Why?

When I was in school I used to ask a lot of questions.

One Day I asked our English teacher:     
       
Well, in pronunciation we ignore some letters eg letter 'H' in Hour, Honest, Honor.. E.t.c, Why?

Teacher: Not ignoring, they are considered silent.

(I was even more confused).🤔🤔

During Lunch break teacher asked me to heat her packed lunch in the cafeteria.

I ate all the food and returned an empty container.

Teacher: What happened, I told you to go and HEAT my food??

Me: Mmmmh Madam I thought 'H' was silent

😜😜😜😜🤣🤣

Tuesday, February 6, 2018

India-New liquor rates update after GST-Most useful message!

New rates update after GST

*Bagpiper*
750 ml @ Rs.282
375ml @ Rs.141
180ml Tetra @ Rs.68 
90ml @ Rs.43

*Black Dog Centenary deluxe scotch whiskey*
2ltr @ Rs.2888
750ml @ Rs.1250
375ml @ Rs.625
180ml @ Rs.309
60ml @ Rs.110

*8 pm*
1ltr @ Rs.279
750ml @ Rs.234
375ml @ Rs.117
180ml @ Rs.57

*Blenders Pride*
750ml @ Rs.1050
375ml @ Rs.460
180ml @ Rs.230
60ml @ Rs.80

*Antiquity Blue*
750ml @ Rs.1050
375ml @ Rs.530
180ml @ Rs.270
60ml @ Rs.90

*Antiquity rare*
750ml @ Rs.900
175ml @ Rs.450
180ml @ Rs.230
60mlb @ Rs.80

*Ballanties*
750ml @ Rs.1600
50ml @ Rs.150

*Jack Daniels*
750ml @ Rs. 3697

*Blue Lable*
750ml @ Rs. 29965

*DSP Black*
750ml @ Rs.420
375ml @ Rs.210
180ml @ Rs.102
60ml @ Rs.42
90ml @ Rs.55

*DSP*
1Ltr @ Rs.470
750ml @ Rs.392
375ml @ Rs.196
180ml Tetra@ Rs.95
90ml @ Rs.48
60ml @ Rs.38

*Chivas Regal*
4.5ltr @ Rs. 23100
750ml @ Rs.3800

*C-R. 18yrs*
750ml @Rs. 8650

*Jameson Irish*
750ml @ Rs.1800

*Glenlivet 12 years*
750ml @ Rs.4500

*Dewars White Label*
750ml @ Rs.1550

*Green Lable*
750ml @ Rs.420
375ml @ Rs.210
180ml @ Rs.101

*Jim Beam*
750ml @ Rs.1557

*Black Dog 12years*
2Ltr@ Rs.5520
750ml @ Rs.2250
375ml @ Rs.1100
180ml @ Rs.560
60ml @ Rs.180

*Haig Gold Label*
750ml @ Rs.758
180ml @ Rs.183
60ml @ Rs.63

*Imperial Blue*
750ml @ Rs.478
375ml @ Rs.239
180ml @ Rs.116

*Officers Choice Whisky*
750ml @ Rs.282
375ml @ Rs.141
180ml @ Rs.68
90ml @ Rs.43

*Red Lable*
750ml @ Rs.1950
350ml @ Rs.835
200ml @ Rs.405
50ml @ Rs.190

*MC Whisky*
1Ltr @ Rs.604
2Ltr @ Rs.1209
750ml @ Rs.478
375ml @ Rs.239
180ml @ Rs.116
90ml   @ Rs.64
60ml   @ Rs.47

*Red knight*
180ml @ Rs.81
750ml @ Rs.329
375ml @ Rs.198

*PETER SCOTCH W*
750ML @ Rs.951
375ml @ Rs.476
180ml @ Rs.235

*Royal Stag*
750ml @ Rs.622
375ml @ Rs.311
180ml @ Rs.150
60ml @ Rs.56

*Maquintosh*
750ml @ Rs.528
180ml @ Rs.128

*Royal Chalenge*
2ltrl @ Rs.1730
1Ltr @ Rs.910
750ml @ Rs.696
375ml @ Rs.348
180ml @ Rs.169
60ml @ Rs.61

*Signature*
2Ltr @ Rs.1975
1Ltr @ Rs.1054
750ml @ Rs.791
375ml @ Rs.395
180ml @ Rs.192
60ml @ Rs.70

*GOLD LABLE*
750ml @ Rs.6884

*Vat 69*
750 ml @ Rs.1290
375ml @ Rs.680
180ml @ Rs.350
1Ltr @ Rs.1273
60ml @ Rs.112

*Maq Sc Whisky*
90ml @ Rs.130
750ml @ Rs.1058
180ml @ Rs. 260

*Passport Scotch Whisky*
750ml @ Rs.825

*ARISTOCRAT -WY*
750ml @ Rs.322
180ML @ Rs.78

*Teachers Hiland*
1Ltr @ Rs.1961
750ml @ Rs.1471
375ml @ Rs.735
180ml @ Rs.360
60ml @ Rs.118

*Teachers 50*
750ml @ Rs. 2275
375ml @ Rs.1193
180ml @ Rs. 611
60ml @ Rs. 205

*Jura s Malt 10 yrs*
700ml@Rs. 3300

Something Special
750ml @Rs.1688

*J & B Rare*
750ml @ Rs.1990

*Cutty Sark scotch*
50ml @ Rs. 290
750ml @ Rs.1231

*Dewars 12 years scotch*
750ml @ Rs. 3400

*De Aberfeldy* scotch12 years
750ml @ Rs.7000

*D Y C whisky*
750ml @ Rs.494
375ml @ Rs.247
180ml @ Rs.123

*Whyte & Macky whisky*
750ml @ Rs.1361
375ml @ Rs.705
180ml@Rs 351
60ml @ Rs 117

*Old Smaggler*
750m @ Rs.999
60ml @ Rs.85

*Black Dog* 18 Years Old
750ml @ Rs.7800

*Haywards Fine Whisky*
90ml @ Rs.25v 
180ml Tetra@ Rs.49
 
Most useful message till date in history of what's app 👆👆👆👆

Sunday, February 4, 2018

POLITICIANS AND DIAPERS SHOULD BE CHANGED OFTEN

One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.'

The florist was pleased and left the shop. 

When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'Thank You' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door. 

Later, a grocer comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.'

The grocer was happy and left the shop. 

The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'Thank You' card and a bag of fresh vegetables waiting for him at his door.

Then a politician came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.'

The politician was very happy and left the shop. 

The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen politicians lined up waiting for a free haircut. 

And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it. 

_REMEMBER:_
*POLITICIANS AND DIAPERS SHOULD BE CHANGED OFTEN AND FOR THE SAME REASON.*

If you don't forward this, nothing bad will happen. 
But someone will miss a good laugh... 😀